It’s over! To close out the A-Z blog challenge, I’d like to offer 26 things that I’ve been right about for a very, very long time.
American cars. I don’t give two hoots about your generic Mercedes or Lexus or BMW. Give me an American muscle car any day of the week. They are way sexier.
Board games. Scrabble, Monopoly, Life, Parcheesi, Mousetrap, Scattergories, Risk, Clue, Mastermind, Taboo, Uno (yes, I know it’s a card game), Othello, Chinese Checkers, Simon, Operation, Yahtzee (yes, I know it’s a dice game), Trouble, Candyland. And don’t forget Hi-Ho Cherry-O!
Carol Channing as the White Queen in Alice in Wonderland. 1985. Look it up. She’s amazing.
Dishwashing sponges. Smelly and gross. Stop leaving them in the sink where they stay damp and please replace them more frequently.
Eggs. Hard-boiled. No thank you.
Fitted sheets. They suck. It takes forever to figure out the right direction and after you do, it takes forever to stretch and put on. And when you wash them, they trap all the other clothes inside. Please, someone find an alternative!
Grant’s Tomb. Who’s buried there? You can’t trick me!
Hockey. Exciting stuff actually happens in hockey the entire time, unlike football or baseball, which as best I can tell is just a lot of standing around. Although I love Steve Almond’s theory on why that has to be so, I’d still rather eat live scorpions than sit through a football game. Go Sabres!
Illicit substances. I’ve tried a lot of them. They’re not for me, though I absolutely think their use should be decriminalized and I’m proud to live in a state that’s moving in the right direction on that front. But I’ll stick to good old liver-crippling alcohol.
Jennifer. Yeah, that’s right. Me. I always knew I was smart and would be successful. No lack of self-confidence here.
Kwik. Kool. Krafty. Skool. And any other use of K where K does not belong. It’s just not kute.
Licorice, black. Yum!
Macaroni and cheese. A more perfect food does not exist.
Night owl, being one. Yeah, I get up a lot earlier than I used to, out of necessity, but mornings really are the pits.
Operations. I’ve never had one and don’t plan to start anytime soon.
Potty training. Really glad I jumped on that bandwagon. I don’t think my life would be as great as it is if I still wore diapers.
Q-tips. No matter what they tell you, Q-tips are great for getting the wax out of your ears. I have yet to find any other purpose for them.
Reading. A more perfect pastime does not exist. Especially if you are eating a bowl of macaroni and cheese at the same time.
Social Distortion. Mike Ness is a god. Always was and always will be. He’s my one relationship hall pass.
Upchucking. It’s really unpleasant. Except that it does make that queasy, still-drunk feeling go away immediately, which is nice. But still, I would not be very successful at having an eating disorder.
Virginity, losing mine. No regrets about how that went down. But also no details here. Sorry!
Wishing to have all the wishes you want for the rest of your life. If you wish for anything else, you’re just stupid.
eXpatriation. Yes, I realize I said I was wrong about this, but was I really? I don’t think so. If Americans could get EU work visa easily, I’d be over there tomorrow. And I’m definitely going to retire in another country where my money will go a lot further.
Young ‘uns. Never having them. I’ve been saying that since I was 16 and every meddling woman out there felt the need to tell me I’d change my mind, but all these years later, I still haven’t.
Zzzzz. You really can’t argue against sleep.
Thanks for reading and see you next year!